A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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