that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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