so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
