He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
