and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
