I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
50% drunk capacity currently
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
