if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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