If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
