I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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