My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
