dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
