sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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