Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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