I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
