hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
