how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
