He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
