I wanna bring you to show and tell
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
