Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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