Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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