You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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