I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
my poor anus
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
