I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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