1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
