Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We need a shit load of segways right now
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
