just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
