hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
