Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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