Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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