Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
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