she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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