she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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