I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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