she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
