You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My vagina is officially offended.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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