I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
