Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
