The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
