the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
