Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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