just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
