I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
