whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
