1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
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