forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
