I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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