Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
