summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
