I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
