remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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