all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
